Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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