My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i drank out of a bidet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
