i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
