so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize