im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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