I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
