For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
