You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
