Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
