What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
smell my finger.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize