I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
