I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
