I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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