Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
someone owes me an orgasm
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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