I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
