What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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