Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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