Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
