im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
