he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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