my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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