maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
