ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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