My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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