he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize