Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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