I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
