fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
