if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am one with the molecules
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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