If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
