I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
