is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
