We're facebook friends in real life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
