Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
