I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
