Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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