I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
