:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
