After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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