he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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