Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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