pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
