He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
