I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
