I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
