I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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