somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
