I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
