how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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