She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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