i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize