I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
