hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
