I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
