I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
