We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did i walk over a car last night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
