I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
