Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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