just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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