you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
farters have to be the big spoon...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
