Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
