1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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