Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
