I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
