ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
