question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
