i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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