I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
