In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
