I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
