what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
