we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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