i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
