I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize