Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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