I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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