Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
