Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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