I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
