what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
