shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
