I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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