his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
