new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
