I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
