we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
