Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
