He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
