Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
