you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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