If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
