Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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