she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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