I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
