Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
