My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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