In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
