Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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