I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
