his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
