yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
